Humorous (yet true) Las Vegas Driving Directions :)

First, it's pronounced Los Vay-gus, Ne-vah-da (NOT Ne-VAW-da). It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.

Some things to remember when driving in Las Vegas...

1. All directions start with, "Go down 95...' cause you DON'T want to get on 15!"

2. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end.

3. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive".

4. The 8:00 am rush hour is 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends sometime late Sunday night.

5. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd., Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

6. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs, ask any middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it.

7. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and..." Again this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers who move into our valley every month.

8. The 215 beltway intersects on the north and the south with many of the same streets, such as Jones/215, Decatur/215 and Rainbow/215. You must be specific in your directions or the repairman will end up 25 miles from your house. Ditto for newcomers.

9. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runway and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis.

10. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.

11. For God's sake, as well as Channel 13's, 3's, and 8's, DO NOT try to drive your car through a street-turned-river. Even though it only rains less than an inch a year, SOMEHOW, 6 feet of water ends up on the east side of Bonanza, and a woman has to get helicopter-lifted off the top of her car

12. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the City of Las Vegas are one.

13. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it!

14. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. if you don’t like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun."